First, here's one of Juan Carlos's little heart-people. I don't know why but they just make me smile.
Tomorrow I leave for Houston. All.By.Myself.
I was trying to figure out how many days I've spent without my kids AND my husband since I became a mom nearly 10 years ago. The first time was when my grandpa died in April 1992 while we were living in Venezuela. I left Margarita (then 4 years old) and Julio (then 18 months) with Guapo for 3 nights. Then in December 1993 I went with my good friend to Miami for 2 nights and 3 days of crazy Christmas shopping. We bought WAY too much stuff and ended up having to ship numerous boxes to Venezuela which wasn't cheap.
So that's it-5 nights/7 days in 10 years. Not a lot-but it's hard to leave. I spend a lot of time thinking I could use a break and then when the time's upon me it's hard to go.
My life is mostly about my kids right now. I try to keep up on things that I enjoy doing, but if something needs to get sacrificed, that's what goes first. I have mixed feelings about leaving. These feelings include, but are not limited to: excitement, guilt, anxiety, relief, selfishness. I think I am getting a stress-induced cold sore and my fingernails are mostly gone from biting them.
I'm lucky to have a husband that says, "Go. It will be good for me to be with the kids for a few days. Have fun." (Am I a bad person for hoping he suffers just a tad?)
I am looking forward to just being by myself. I like to be by myself. I am staying with friends in Houston that we knew in Venezuela. They are our dear friends, but not like let's-stay-up-and-brush-each-other's-hair-and-giggle kind of friends. I will be able to come and go as I please, take a nap if I want or go to bed early.
Not that I'm going for long enough to take a lot of naps-I will leave tomorrow night, arrive in Houston on Wednesday morning, stay in Houston Wednesday and Thursday nights and then leave Friday evening to arrive back here on Saturday morning.
I am looking forward to:
- Flying alone. I don't even mind that two of my nights gone will be spent on an airplane. I have made so many flights with kids I stopped counting years ago. Even when they are well-behaved, which is most of the time, I am still a nervous wreck waiting for something to happen.
- Carrying 1 passport instead of the wad we normally travel with
- Target. Get ready for the Consumer Confidence Index to go up.
- Going to the temple. We don't have one here and it's been a while.
- Driving without a driver. Ahhhhh, freedom.
Margarita and Julio are fine with me going. Excited in fact; they want the American goods. Poor Juan Carlos is pretty sad about it-he keeps asking me why can't Gaupo go instead. And Pedro-poor little guy doesn't know what's coming. He loves Vanessa the maid though so I think he'll be ok. I keep having a fear that I am going to forget my breast pump-that would not be a fun plane ride.
I probably won't post again until the weekend.