The Elephant in the Room

Ok, be honest. What's the first thing you thought of when you heard we were moving back to the States to be "normal" people again?

I imagine among my friends and family it was some variation of: "However is she going to manage without her maid and driver? This should be entertaining."

I'm right there with ya.

I've had maids (of varying degrees of aptitude) now for 9 long years. When I left Louisiana in 2001, Margarita was Pedro's exact age (3 years and 3 months), and Julio was just 8 months old. So, basically none of my kids know what life is like without a maid. I don't know what life is like with 4 kids without a maid.

I'm scared.

My fears fall into 4 main categories, cleaning, cooking, taking up permanent residence in my minivan, and occasional childcare. Let's examine.

Cleaning

For the last 9 years I've been doing "recreational" cleaning; a load of laundry here, a little windexing there. Most nights I leave the kitchen spotless because enjoy doing so. I do a little cleaning and then I feel good about myself, "look at me, I'm cleaning!" But, on any given night, if I'm too busy or too tired to clean up after dinner I know that my kitchen will be spotless by 8am the next day.

And can you imagine how lazy kids are that have had a maid? I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that our kids make their beds everyday before school and do 3 chores in the afternoon. They are basically pigs. Oh, we've tried various types of job charts and chore schemes over the years, but at the end of the day, when we tired of the constant effort that is required to maintain such programs, we knew and more importantly, the kids knew, that maid would do it. It's just not the same.

Keeping my house clean is going to be a real challenge. Cleaning just isn't a good fit with my personality; I am a goal/task-oriented person. I like things that have a starting point and a ending point and ways to mark progress and success. This is why I loved school so much-quizzes, tests, and a final exams that marked the END of the class.

Cleaning, as you know, is nothing like this. There's no start or stop and no one is grading me (at least not to my face). It is a never-ending, thankless task. I read on someone's blog once that the laundry isn't done unless everyone's naked-so, so true.

It's going to be a shock for all of us.

Cooking

Pretty much the same story as cleaning, but I enjoy it more. I did almost all of the cooking during our time in Venezuela and Mexico. I even got into doing freezer meals and planning month long menus in Mexico. But for the last three years, I've enjoyed the luxury of only having to cook my favorite dishes on the weekends. The difficult part of cooking for me is the dreaded question, "What's for dinner tonight?"

I know I'll get into a routine, and get some kind of plan going, but it will take a while. If you know of any good cooking blogs (or cleaning blogs, for that matter), please let me know.

The good thing is, as I've mentioned before, my kids hate "maid food" and think think whatever I cook is AWESOME. Who knows for how long that will last...

Taking up Permanent Residence in My Minivan

I've only had a driver for the last 4 years, but oh, how I've loved it. If I had to pick between a driver and a maid, I think I'd go with a driver. Although I'm an oddity here in that I take my kids to school everyday (with my driver), he removes a lot of the burden of being a mom. He does playdate drop-offs and pick-ups, any errands I don't feel like doing during the day, and picks up items at the grocery store.

Whatever I ask, he has to say "yes" because that's his job. It's the best.

Shortly, I'll have four kids in three different school, all involved in multiple activities. It's a good thing I like my car and listening to audio books cause I think I'm going to be in it a lot.

Occasional Childcare

Although I'm not as concerned about this issue, it will still be more difficult. One of the things I'm most proud of about my 9 years overseas is that I never turned over mothering to someone else; no maid was ever in charge of bathing, feeding, bedding, overseeing homework, or caring for my children. I never had a "baby nurse" to get up at night with my newborns. I didn't participate in ongoing activities that took me away from my babies and toddlers other than helping out in the older kids' classrooms. I know these things might sound funny to someone who hasn't lived in a country where maids and nannies were the norm, but it would have been very easy to have had more help in this area.

Because I haven't I can say I know exactly what it means to have 4 kids at home. But, it has been super convenient to have someone here during the weekdays who was always available to stay with the kids for an hour or two here and there. I'll miss that. I don't like like to inconvenience other people with my kids, so I'll be lugging them everywhere until they are old enough to stay by themselves (except for when my mom wants to watch them!).

I know I'll survive-one of the important things I have learned living this lifestyle is that people, in general, are very adaptable. But it could be a rough adjustment for all of us. :)

Expat Friendship

Having been the recipient of a couple of kind acts of service this week, I've been thinking about how expat friends demonstrate their friendship to one another.

It's different than in the States. When I lived in the States, opportunities were plentiful to help other young moms like myself. Sick? I'll bring over dinner. Jury duty? Let me take your kids for the day. Super busy? Let me give your boys a ride to cub scouts. Critical in-laws coming for a visit? I'll come help you clean your house.

These types of activities in expat life (at least in Central/South American expat life) are all covered by the "staff".

Food? Check (maid)

Childcare? Check (maid)

Errands? Child pick-up? Check (driver)

Obsessive Cleaning? Check (maid)

Of course I'm generalizing and exaggerating a bit; there are occasionally times to offer such services, but it is infrequent.

Then there are those times when "the staff" is sick (heaven forbid) and what usually ends up happening is that we offer up our "staff" in lieu of ourselves. "Sure, Sergio the Driver can pick up your kids" or "Do you need my maid for the day?" And we actually feel like we're sacrificing for our friends. Humorous and a little sad, I know.

So, how do expat friends show their love to one another?

The first way is by letting our friends vent. The majority of Ballerina Girl's and my conversations are about:

1) maid problems
2) house/appliance problems
3) school problems
4) Brazil problems

(not necessarily in that order)

Because we have similar circumstances, she , better than anyone else really gets what I'm going through. Sure, I occasionally vent here on my blog about stuff, but if I did it as much as I do in real life, you'd all think I'm a brat (which of course I'm not, but it may come across like that).

The second way is by sharing our American products. The things we bring back from the States are like GOLD and sharing them is a true act of sacrifice. I have to really like someone to share my goods with them.

This week one of my friends randomly brought me over not just one, but two bags of Reese's mix candies and a tube of Neosporin. She told me they were "extra" and would we want them? (yes please!) Nothing's "extra" around here (especially candy the week of Halloween)-there's no Target, so once you run out, you're out of luck until your next trip or your next group of visitors arrive.

It really meant a lot to me (way more than a tube of antibiotic cream would mean to me in the States :) ).

The third way is by offering suitcase space.

Suitcase space, like American products are precious in the life of an expat. We all know exactly how many bags and how much poundage we can bring in per trip. (If we travel as an entire family, we can bring in 12 bags containing 840 pounds, not including our carry-ons. If one of us flys first class we can increase that to 13 bags and 910 pounds.)

You have to be really careful offering up limited suitcase space to bring back something for a friend. You really have to trust that the person is not going to take advantage of you and have 15 Amazon boxes delivered to your house (or one of your relative's homes).

Ballerina Girl is traveling this week in the States. She emailed me and offered to bring me back whatever I needed (she knows I wouldn't take advantage). She has two kids here of her own and things she needs (she always brings in toilet paper which totally cracks me up) and for her to offer me some space in her suitcase made me feel loved :). (I ordered a book for the boys, a blueberry muffin mix and some Laffy Taffy)

I am blessed with good friends here for which I am thankful.

"If You Would Have Told Me 10 Years Ago..."

I love the non-normalness of my life (generally speaking). I love that I find myself in situations that I never would have dreamed up for myself in my younger years.

I remember the first time that happened after we started our overseas adventure-we had recently arrived in Venezuela. I was out in Guapo's car by myself, jamming to some Spanish tunes, driving on a freeway in Caracas and all of a sudden it just hit me like a ton of bricks-"Hey, look at me, I'm driving around in SOUTH AMERICA. Who would have thought?"

These moments happen with less frequency now as I'm a little more accustomed to being in unusual situations, but I had one on Saturday night.



My piano "recital".

I was sitting there thinking, "Here I am, in this little apartment in the middle of a huge city in Brazil, surrounded by only Brazilians, playing my remedial piano pieces. How odd."

I was the second youngest in the group. The lady right behind me to my left turned 80 the day before. She was talking about her French lessons and her watercolor classes she's taking right now (at least I think that's what she was talking about, it was all in Portuguese). How cool is that? I hope when I'm 80 I'm still looking for new things to learn and do. She also kicked all of our butts on the piano (and seemed to enjoy doing so I might add), but, she has had a little more time to practice than me.



This guy was a hoot. He was probably around 70 and was our last performer. There was nothing my teacher could do to get the guy to stop playing the keyboard until finally she said we all had to leave because she had another engagement.

One thing I've noticed about Brazilians (at least the ones where we live) is that it seems to me that they are very interested in learning throughout their lives, not only when they are young. They always seem to be taking courses or classes or workshops to learn something new. What a fantastic characteristic.

Anyway, if you would have told me 10 years ago I'd be sitting in Rio, with a bunch of old Brazilians playing piano, I never would have believed it. I love that about life. And I love that I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing in 10 more years.

I just hope there's a Target there. :)

Best of Brazil: Art Classes

One of the coolest things about living here is that the kids have a chance to have art classes, in our home, each week from a real live artist (at least that's what he tells us. Just kidding, I've seen his work-he's legit). Both Margarita and Julio are artistically inclined (at least according to their proud mom) and I'm so happy they have this opportunity right now. It's not the cheapest activity they've ever been involved in, but I think it's worth it. I figure we probably won't have a lot of artists willing to come over to our house when we move back to the States. At least not for a price that we could afford. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong?

Here's some of their recent water colors:

They are working on a Revolutionary War theme right now. The above painting is Margarita's. The two below are Julio's.


This one's my favorite, I couldn't believe it when I walked in to check on them and Julio had cranked this baby out in under a half hour:

Cool huh?

And for those of you who have been wondering about my washing machine (I'm sure you've been losing sleep over it), of course the guy never showed up and of course they now don't have the part available until the end of next week and of course Carnaval is starting next week so there's no chance the thing will get fixed before sometime in March.

Guapo is seriously considering just buying a new one. It's that frustrating.

On the maid front-we're having a few issues but my house is SO clean. And she made scones this week. And, I'm pretty sure she ironed my sheets and pillowcases today. Awesome.

Have a great weekend and happy Valentine's day!

A Somewhat Happier Post

Things are going ok here.

Repair Update

The hot water heater guy finally showed up today after not having hot water since Friday and it appears that the problem has something to do with the hot/cold water valves for the washing machine (it's not all automatic here like it is in the States, if I want to wash my clothes in hot water, I have to turn the hot water knob on). I guess if they are both on, it kills the heater? So, I don't know-maybe it is working, sort-of? We'll see if I can figure out the secret to getting hot water, otherwise that guy's going to be coming back again.

The washer guy STILL hasn't shown up. The billing people however DID show up at Guapo's office demanding payment for the parts and labor which was interesting. They were pretty ticked when he wouldn't pay up. (me sighing and shaking my head. sometimes I just don't get it.)

Someone's supposed to come tomorrow to fix it. I'll believe it when I see it.

And, for the time being, we're giving up the dream of having a working land-line or in-house phone on our second level where we spend all of our time. So, if the building starts on fire and they are trying to call us from below, I guess we're just out of luck. (Note to self: give my cell number to the guards... )

Luckily all the problems I have are just annoying. We are all healthy and relatively happy, so I don't have that much to complain about.

Projects

I finished piecing the quilt for my brother's baby:



Pretty cute, eh? Once again, I would like to try to machine quilt, but I am too afraid to ruin it, so I will hand quilt it-it just takes so much time!

Random Thoughts:

I don't want to forget that the other day Juan Carlos (5 yrs) was eating a piece of cantaloupe and he said to me, "Here mom, you can have the rest of my antelope, I'm done." How cute is that?

It is so hot here right now I feel like I am back in Small Town, Mexico. I constantly have sweat dripping down my face. We don't have central AC, just window units that can't quite keep up with the heat. Sometimes when I start feeling hot, I have to go into a room where it's not on and then return to the original room to get a little relief.

I'm glad Valentine's Day is almost here-I'm getting sick of this background.

That's it from here!

Everything's Broken

A quick post before my Internet cuts off again. A quick review of things that are not working in my house:

1)Hot water heater: the repair man has come twice now and and insists that the hot water heater is in "excellent condition". I would agree except for the fact that it takes one day off every week...

2) modem/router/???: something that makes me lose my connection to the Internet every 30 seconds. A tech guy from Guapo's company has come twice now in the past few days. When he left today, he told me everything was fine. It was, for an hour...

3) Washing machine: not working. This one is scheduled to get fixed tomorrow (but I'm not holding my breath)

4) Water filtration system: needs replaced. The plumber is now a no show for 4 days in a row. Time to find a new plumber...

5) In house phone (you know, that thing that the guards from downstairs use to call us in case we have visitors, or there's an emergency or something): after about 12 hours of working on it (I had to kick the guy out last night at 9 pm), it is still not working. Even better, he also messed up our land line that we got fixed last week...

Very, very sick of problems.

(Sorry for the typos, no time to check, I've to to publish before I lose my connection...again )

Different Strokes

Yesterday, we invited over a man from our ward. He's 86 years old and joined the church just 5 years ago. I had never talked to him that much (I'm in the primary all the time), but would always see him around. I didn't know he was married or single or why he was living in Brazil (he's an American with horrible Portuguese that he's not shy about using which is really cute) Before we left on vacation last month, he missed a Sunday which never happens. Turns out he had pneumonia. When Guapo went over to visit him he met his wife and their daughter.

So, they all came over last night for dinner. They were very nice- I had always wondered if the guy was all there, being so old, but he is totally with it-up on all the current events in the world.

His daughter is 21. So, she was born when he was 65. His wife is obviously much younger than him. I'm thinking the oldest she could be is 66 (that would have made her having a baby at 45), but maybe she's a little younger. Anyway, they met and married while living in San Francisio where they had planned to spend the rest of their lives.

Until one day the wife decided she couldn't live there any longer. She wanted to go back to Brazil, insisting their life would be much better there. She told us she couldn't hack the lifestyle of an American woman. She grew up in a well-to-do Brazilian family that had a staff of 6 people (cook, maid, nanny, gardener, butler, driver) which is common even today amongst the wealthy. She told me she couldn't stand the constantness of chores that she had in the States with no help. Exasperated she told me, "I had to make the food, and then remember the laundry, and then clean the house, and then cook the food AGAIN! I couldn't handle it any longer! I don't know how you women do it."

So they moved back to Brazil, hired their staff and had their daughter.

It was funny to me because I feel the exact opposite. I can't stand the constantness of having extra people in my house, even if they are here for my benefit. As we laughed about our differences, I explained to her how I feel like I can never relax when there's a maid in the house and she said, "Well, just go in your room and shut the door!" The thing is, I still know they're here and I just can't relax, even if Pedro is napping. So she told me, "Well, just leave then!" And that is what I find myself doing-looking for reasons to leave my own house because I don't want to be in it while there's a maid around.

I know, you might me thinking, "Well, why don't you just not have any help then?" But, just like it was the norm for her to live in the States without any help, it is the norm here to have help, and lots of it. Life is harder here than it is in the States. It just is. If I didn't have a maid I would waste half of my life waiting for repair men to fix all of our Brazilian appliances that seem to break about once a week. They give themselves a window of 9 am to 5 pm to show up. But, even then sometimes they just don't show up and don't bother calling to let you know. And, instead of heading out to Target for one-stop shopping, you've got to go to about 5 different stores during the week to get everything you need. And everyone else has maids, so there's no "if you watch my kid, I'll watch yours" going on.

She did say one thing that I've always believed, and have always heard expat women say, but I thought it was just a way to rationalize having the help. She said that it seemed that houses in the States are just cleaner than houses here. I wholeheartedly agree! I don't know what it is, but we sweep the house everyday (ok, not we, the maid) and you wouldn't believe the pile of junk that accumulates in just 24 hours. Our apartment is always open to the outside, so I'm sure that doesn't help.

I just thought our conversation was interesting; do I not like having a maid because that's not how I grew up, or is it something deeper than that, some independent American gene that came from my temporally poor forefathers that crossed the Atlantic, staffless, in hopes of a better life? It's quite likely that my new friend descended from wealthy Portuguese who did arrive in their new land with a slew of people to serve them. It's got to be more to it than just getting used to it, because I've had almost 8 years now with a maid and I think I like it even less now than I did 8 years ago. I've accepted that I'm never going to get used to it.

I don't know. I just know that when we finally get the word that we are going back to the States, I will not lose sleep over not having a maid anymore.

(Speaking of the maids, the new maid is still working out well. Last week she asked me to buy her a ladder so she could clean all the fans and walls up high, she asked why Vanessa wasn't in the habit of ironing every article of clothing (she normally irons Guapo's shirts like once a month, if I'm lucky), and she moves all the furniture everyday to sweep and mop underneath. I am in awe...)

Argentina

One of the best things about expat life, by far, is the travel. I love the fact that last week we could visit Buenos Aries for 2 nights-we could never do that from the States! (Well, we probably could, but it wouldn't be that much fun what with the 20 hours of travel involved.)

We saw some cool stuff in two days.

Tango dancers in the street:

The Argentine equivalent of the White House, only theirs is the Pink House; They currently have a woman president and Julio wanted to know if that was the reason the house was pink (it's not):

I gained about 5 pounds eating these little babies:

Mmmmmm. Alfajores. They are these sandwich cookies with dulce de leche (delicious carmel like substance) in the center and then covered with chocolate or meringue (my personal favorite).

I brought home 4 boxes as my souvenir. (I may even have a box for Ballerina Girl, but only if she visits me soon, otherwise I will have eaten them all.) Yum!

We saw the biggest tree I've ever seen. This is only ONE tree. Note the little people in front of it:

And we saw the coolest cemetery ever. I am not a lover of cemeteries, but this one was so cool we visited it twice in two days. The individual family tombs were like little houses lined up on streets; each one was different and each had a door that locked and most had windows you could look through. Some had the caskets on display (closed, of course), others had photos, flowers, or statues. Very cool.

This one was opened and they let us sneak a peak. They guy who was cleaning it up let Julio sweep out the doorway (Julio accepted) and then offered to let Julio go down the stairs (Julio declined):

and here is where Eva Peron (remember Evita? Don't Cry for Me Argentina?) was put to rest. We were expecting something extraordinary and lavish, but it was just about like all the rest (except for the variety of fresh flowers and the plaques along the side):

We had an awesome time!

8 Shots and a Pap Smear Later...

...and I am exhausted!!!

One of the benefits of Guapo's having an overseas position is that he gets 30 days of vacation. When we were deciding if this was the course we wanted to take, 30 days sounded like a loooong time. We pictured 30 days on some Caribbean beach, relaxing under a palm tree, drinking a limonada, while the kids splashed in the waves and made sand castles.

Not quite.

Most of the years we have come home to the States for the entire 30 days, because we want to but also because we feel guilty for living so far from our families.

Ok, so that's ok, 30 relaxing days in the States, right?

Welllll, not really, because Guapo and I both have families that we want to spend time with and they don't live on the same street. Or town, or state, or even same country at times. There were those 3 years Guapo's parents were living in Gautemala, so throw in a couple of side-trips to Gaut. We have tried hard to divide the 30 days as fairly as possible between the two families. This could mean visiting anywhere from 2 to 4 states and 1 to 2 countries during any one trip. As we have added kids along the way, the trips within the 30 day relaxing vacation have become harder and harder.

Then there's the shopping.

It is my job to buy for our family all the things that we will need throughout the next year. Don't get me wrong, I love shopping as much as the next guy, but day in and day out it gets to be a little bit much. It's a frantic kind of shopping, not the fun, relaxed shopping you may be imagining. Picture running through Target clearing the shelves into your cart, then taking all of the crap home, removing any and all packaging so as to take up less room in your suitcase, then packing and re-packing 12 large suitcases or duffle bags in just the right configuration so as not to go over the 70 pound allotment.

Several days into the shopping frenzy, I start to forget what I have bought and what I still need. Near the end of the trip, I'll wake up nightly in a sweat, suddenly remembering I have somehow forgotten to buy something that I simply cannot live without, thus necessitating yet another trip to Target. I have, on several occasions, gotten a rash that was due to spending so much money in so little time. By the end, I halfway expect my credit card to burst in to flames as I swipe it through the little machine.

I know, there are much worse problems in life to have, but it does cut into the tranquility said "vacation".

Then there's taking care of our house in the mountains that we foolishly rented to college boys last year. I cringe when I think about what poor Moses the Moose witnessed over the last 9 months. Or maybe he was the instigator, I'm not sure. When we found him he was wearing mardi gras beads and a pair of tightie whitites (ewwwww.)


It started with 3 guys and were pretty sure there were a lot more than that living there.

It appears that someone was even living in the garage. As you can see from the photo above, they had moved out a bed, bedding, a sofa, and several lamps to the garage. It was 39 degrees two nights ago when I was up there, I don't know how anyone slept out there, but apparently they did.

They left us with what Betsy, the nice professional cleaning lady who charged us almost $700.00 (out of their security deposit, of course), called "quite possibly the filthiest house I have ever stepped foot into". In addition to the filth and muck of who knows how many people living there for 9 months, they also left us some lovely reading material and some really choice posters.

*sigh*

I digress.

Next there are the appointments.

Even though we have found good doctors in most of the places we have lived, I like to maintain a relationship with a doctor and dentist in the States.

6 people X ~2 appointments = 12 visits

Again, eroding the serenity of the trip.

And to make a short story long, that was how I spent my day today, the kids and I all had appointments with the doctor. Poor Juan Carlos (5 yrs) had to get 4 shots, Pedro (15 months) had to get 3, and Julio (7 yrs) had to get one. It used to not bother me so much, I knew it was for their own good. I was a lot tougher as a younger mom. Today I cried. :(

And on top of all the shots, I had to get the dreaded woman check-up. You'd think after 4 kids I wouldn't loathe it so, but I do.

The very good news is that no one needs another vaccination until Pedro goes to kindergarten!!! And since he's still nursing (sorry if that grosses you out, but wouldn't you want to be able to nurse on a 12 hour flight???), that doesn't seem even in the realm of possibility.

Well, I better get to bed. I've got to hit the stores first thing in the morning to buy some new furniture for our house. :)

(Sorry to vent. We are having a blast, and I know what a blessed life I lead, I just sometimes long for the serenity of that Caribbean beach!)

192 Hour Flu

Alternate Title: Flu Shots. Now I get it.

Well, last week was pretty much horrible. I have finally joined the ranks of the living again, although I am still periodically hacking up a lung.

I've never gotten a flu shot before or really even contemplated getting one. That's because I've never really gotten the flu before. I think I'll be the flu shot's biggest fan from here on out. Maybe I'll get a t-shirt that says, "Flu Shot- I *heart* U" or something.

But, the whole experience highlighted something I have really enjoyed about living overseas: the medical care. When we left the States 7 years ago, that was one of the things that I was most worried about, especially since we had two small kids who were prone to getting lots of ear infections. We have had excellent doctors in all the places we have lived (with the exception of Small Town where the medicine was horrible!). All the doctors we have had spoke English and most of them had studied or trained in the States. Some kept up their credentials in the States so they could practice there.

In the three countries where we have lived, doctors tend to be much more user-friendly than they are in the States. Most go by Dr. followed by their first name, instead of their last name. I have not had a doctor who hasn't given me their cell phone number on our first visit and told me that I am welcome to call day or night. I am not the type to abuse such an offer, but with 4 kids, I have taken advantage of it on various occasions.

Here in Brazil, I haven't had a need for a doctor, so last week when I realized I wasn't getting better I called the kids' pediatrician (on her cell, of course) to see if she just wanted to prescribe me something. She didn't feel comfortable doing that, but told me she'd call me back in 10 minutes. She called me back and had lined up an appointment with an urgent care doctor who works in one of the best hospitals here in town. When I got to the hospital I called the doctor (on his cell) and he told me just to wait in the emergency area, but not to register with anyone, that he would come out and find me.

So, he found me and checked me out. He told me it was most likely just the flu and so that I just had to wait for it to pass. :(. I am not a patient patient. I can handle being sick for about 36 hours and then I'm done with it. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be this time.

So, I asked him where I should pay and he said, "No charge, you had to come here and wait for me (I waited about 20 minutes). Just call me if your condition worsens."

Isn't that nice? That just wouldn't happen in the States. And while it was unusual that he didn't charge me, his kindness and availability are very common among Latin American doctors. Over the years I have had doctors make house calls when I couldn't make it to the office, or call me just to check on whoever was sick (the kids' pediatrician checked in on me a couple of times last week). I called our pediatrician in Venezuela for a whole year after we had moved to Small Town, Mexico to ask her for medical advice. The OB's that delivered Juan Carlos (in Venezuela) and Pedro (in Mexico), both arrived at the hospital before I did and stayed by my side throughout my labor and delivery.

Of course, if I were in a life or death situation, I would rather be in the States because of the technology, but, as far as personalized care goes, the US definitely doesn't have the corner on the market. That is something that I will really miss when we eventually move back.

Thanks so much for all of your well wishes!

The Problem with Holidays in Expatlandia

Today is Labor Day here in Brazil. The kids don't have school, no one's (supposed to be) working.

Here's the problem. Because Guapo works for an AMERICAN COMPANY his comrades in the States are all at work on Brazilian (or Venezuelan or Mexican) holidays and therefore expect him to also be hard at work.

Well then, you ask, surely he gets American Holidays, right?

Nope, because we LIVE in Brazil and therefore he must be at work with all of the Brazilians (or Venezuelans or Mexicans).

See the problem?

Grrrrrr.

Guapo, being the great guy he is, has found a way to keep me from freaking out on any and all national holidays where he feels it is absolutely necessary that he go to the office. Knowing what a frazzled mom I am, he takes Juan Carlos and Julio with him to his office. They make paper airplanes, run wild, play hide and seek, and guzzle all of the juices in the fridge.

He knows I can't say no a few hours of relaxation, and therefore I can't get on his case. He gets his work done and gets a happy wife.

But the gig will only last as long as Pedro continues to nap. As soon as he quits napping all bets are off.

I'll tell you who is really enjoying Labor Day. The Young Single Adults in our ward. We have offered to let them use our apartment for activities and they are taking us up on it. There are only about 5 YSA in our ward, but somehow we've got probably 50 people up on our roof right now, not all of them young nor single.

It's like Riverdance up there. They are dancing up a storm. And screaming. And laughing. And eating. They have brought us down 4 heaping plates of grilled meats in the last hour.

...strengthening my theory that Brazilians are just more fun than Americans (case in point: I'm down here hiding in my room blogging right now and not up there line dancing).

Sad Times in Expatlandia

After living a very long, full life, my great aunt died yesterday; she was my grandpa's brother's wife. She has been the matriarch on my dad's side of the family for many years. She left behind the kind of legacy I hope to achieve in my life: family members that loved her and cared for her until the end and that love and care for each other. I think it would be so much easier to go knowing your family members will take care and be there for each other. She has two daughters, 4 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. She will be missed by all of them. On the happy side, she has been a widow since 1986, and I am sure she will have a wonderful reunion with her husband.

It's times like these that makes living so far away really hard. I would really like to go be with my family not only to remember my aunt but also to strengthen family ties with my extended family. :(

I'll miss you Aunt Bruna!

What Expat Women Do All Day

Thanks for all of your great suggestions for post ideas. I'll make sure to get to all of them. A couple of you wondered what expat woman do while their kids are at school (or with the maid).

Guapo and I saw The Nanny Diaries last weekend. Have you seen it or read the book? A college grad, trying to figure out what she wants to do with her grad takes a job as a nanny for the summer. The mom for whom she works is a "stay-at-home-mom" who fills her days with various "important" activities.

It's a lot like that. Favorite activities include:

1) Beauty Rituals. The expat woman spends a lot of time getting pretty. In the countries that I have lived in (Mexico, Venezuela and Brazil) services like manicures and pedicures cost a fraction of what they do in the States. Here in Brazil, which is the most expensive place we lived, you can get a manicure and a pedicure for around $20.00. It cost half that in Venezuela. Other cheap services include waxing, massages, and getting your hair styled.

I've noticed the prettier the locals, the more time the foreigners spend at the beauty salons. My last year in Venezuela, I actually started regularly blow drying my hair. I stopped as soon as I arrived in Small Town and I have yet to start again.

2)Lessons: Not only do we try to improve our looks, but our minds and bodies with lots of classes and lessons. Most everyone at one point or another tries to learn the local language either with a private tutor or in a group setting.

Tennis lessons are also a big hit. I have taken lessons for years now, but never actually played a game. Over the years, I've also taken cooking classes and painting classes that were fun. Dance classes and yoga are also popular.

3)Tours. Lots of organized tours so women can go together to see the local sites. Often these trips involve shopping.

4)Shopping. It's hard to find an expat woman who isn't a serious shopper. We tend to clean out the local artisans. Our homes are filled with crap from all the places we've lived and we often carry stuff back to the States to give as gifts. In Venezuela the big thing to buy was wood fruit and flowers; I have a crap load of pewter and talevera from Mexico. Lots of my friends bought up locally made hand-painted, handmade furniture.

I've yet to discover what it is in Brazil that I can't live without other than flip flops and beach wraps.

5)Travel. Often times the expat woman will become depressed and need to travel back to the motherland (usually to shop). In the two years and three months I lived in Small Town, Mexico I took 11 trips. Travel within the country is also very popular. Any break from school and the foreigners scatter to the various vacation sites.

6)Clubs. International Woman's Clubs, Newcomer's clubs, quilting clubs, book clubs, Mahjong club, Bunco club, cooking clubs, playgroups, dinner groups, lunch groups, breakfast groups, service clubs. Here in Brazil there's even a canasta group that meets once a week.

7)Surgery. When you are away from your country, family and friends it's the perfect time to have plastic surgery. Especially if you are sent to Venezuela or Brazil. I am not exaggerating when I say I had only two friends in Venezuela that DID NOT have something done. B00b jobs, liposuction, tummy tucks, nose jobs, face lifts, were ABUNDANT among both the locals and the foreigners in Venezuela.

(I know you are wondering, so, no, I have not had anything done. I did have laser surgery on my eyes in Venezuela-best money I ever spent)

8)Talk about their maids: A serious percentage of chatter amongst expats is about maids. And not normally stuff like, "My maid is the best!!! You should see how well she cleans the bathrooms." No, no. Sadly, it's almost always negative.

9)Eating and Visiting: Frequent lunches and "let's do coffee's". Some women I knew in Mexico would have a "desayuno" almost everyday of the week. These lasted anywhere from 2-4 hours.

10) Service: Lest you think we spend our days doing nothing worthwhile, some women get involved in the local communities and do charity work. Sadly, from what I've seen, this category is not usually the most popular.

11)Drinking: Sometimes I feel like I've been transported back to any given Monday during high school. It's strange for me to listed to full-grown woman, most of them moms to multiple kids talk about getting wasted over the weekend. Call me crazy. Many of the above activities are combined with drinking. The quilting group here meets at night and they drink while they quilt (maybe that'd help me sew better?). There are running groups that run and then get drunk. I didn't see this so much in Mexico but both here and in Venezuela, drinking is a serious pastime.

So, there you have it.

I write this lightheartedly- most of the women I have met doing this are wonderful. It's not an easy life and not everyone can hack it. You have to start your life over in a new place, often with a new language, every few years. People do the best they can to fit in and find their niche. All the groups and activities provide a way for women to make friends quickly. A few do take it to the extreme and go crazy once they have a maid to leave their young kids with.

Living this lifestyle has given me lots of practice at saying "No". I try not to fill up my days with things that don't directly benefit my kids or my own personal development. The time I spend away from Pedro I am usually at the school helping in one of my other kids' classrooms or out running and if I can take him, I do. I don't spend my days in the beauty salons just because that's not who I am or what I care about. And because of my religion, I always have opportunities to serve no matter where I go.

I really have loved this lifestyle and would recommend it to anyone who has the chance.