The Perfect Ending to My Crappy Week

Excuse my French, but last week was the worst in recent memory.


I am not naive as to the how things work (or don't work) in Latin America. I am a veteran with almost 8 years under my belt of trying to suppress the American in me when it comes to punctuality and efficiency. I do pretty well most of the time about being patient, but last week was like nothing I've ever experienced before.


Last I posted was on Wednesday when I had 5 problems to solve. Let's see how that went:

1) Hot water heater: I mentioned that the guy came at a time when the heater WAS working (it turns itself off at random times, especially when I want to wash dishes). He first quizzed me to see if I really knew how to turn on the hot water and then gave me this little note just to drive home the point that I am the stupid, clueless gringo:




That says "heater functioning perfectly". Alrighty then.


I was ticked and said, "um, no, actually it is not functioning perfectly" and he said, "well, you have to call me when it's not working." I said, "That's always on a Sunday" and he, very nicely gave me his cell phone number and said I could call him ANYTIME, even at midnight and he would come fix it.


Sure.


So, it stopped working Friday night. I didn't think I should call him on a Friday night EVEN THOUGH he said I could call him even at midnight. When it still wasn't working Saturday around noon, I had Gaupo call him and tell him it wasn't working.


His reply?


"Sorry, you'll have to call the office on Monday"


LAME.


The good news (???) is that it is still not working, so I am hoping tomorrow it will continue to be dead and that guy will come and see it really is broken and it's not just that I don't know how to turn on the faucet.


2) Modem/Router: The guy came back Thursday and determined there was no problem with anything. (Eerily close to what the hot water technician told me...). It does seem to be working for longer spurts now, so it's not my biggest complaint right now.


3) Washing Machine: Ugh. This story is just too long and boring to blog about, but when the guy showed up Thursday (I was thinking he was going to do the repair because that's what they told me), he was just there to give us an estimate (which is exactly what the other guy did the day before). He was now telling us it wasn't under warranty, and that they would have to order the part blah, blah, blah.


I was visibly irritated at this point, and he did what he could to find the part and do the repair that day. He stayed around my house until 7:00 pm waiting for the part to show up. He puts it in, turns it on...and...


Nothing. The new part is defective. Of course it is. He tells me he'll be back the next day (Friday) at 11:00 with another part.


No show.


No call.


Nothing resolved.


4) Water Filtration System: The plumber after not showing up for 4 days finally comes and installs a new system. Good news right?


He also somehow turns off the water pump (which unlike the water faucet, I actually don't know how to turn on and off), so shortly after he leaves we have no water. We call, wait and wait and wait and finally his boss comes and insists that his worker didn't mess with the pump and I explained to him that it was working when he got here and not working when he left. He eventually believed me and fixed the problem.


5) Phone, In-house phone: still not working, the guy never came back to fix the damage he did to the land line.


So, if this wasn't all enough, Friday, my car also died when we were out and about. It needed the battery replaced. No big deal, but in light of all the other problems it was quite annoying.


And then the GRAND FINALE.


Vanessa, our pregnant maid, had a doctor's appointment on Friday morning. So she shows up that afternoon around 3:00, somewhat flustered. She's jabbering on about how her baby might be born THAT NIGHT, or the NEXT DAY. Why Vanessa, are you having contractions? No. Are you dilated? No. She didn't sleep the night before and she's really uncomfortable. A lot of pressure on her hips. Um, yeah, that's called being 6 1/2 months pregnant with your 4th kid.


Now, in a normal pregnancy in Brazil, a woman would work until they reach 36 weeks at which time the woman goes on maternity leave and the State pays her salary for the following 4 months (4 1/2 if she's breast-feeding). Giving her 4 weeks of leave before the birth.


She is only 30 weeks along. So, I ask her if she's going to start her maternity leave now since the birth is so eminent.


Um, no, actually the doctor gave her a note for (surprise, surprise) 15 days rest (anything up to 15 days, the employer pays, over 15 days, the State pays) and then (supposedly) she'll start her leave.


Don't you think, if a doctor really believed that a woman who is only 30 weeks along was going to deliver within hours, they would admit her to the hospital?


She just totally got 2 extra weeks of maternity leave. Paid for by me. And if I don't pay her because I think she's full of crap, she can sue us. And she'll win.


So, she's gone. I wish I could say that will be the end of the story, but we are financially tied to her for the next 5 months (we have to continue paying her taxes throughout her leave) and then when we go to fire her when she's done with her leave, we will have to pay her another month's salary. Makes my blood boil.


This week has got to be better.


Right?


I promise I'll post something happy this week.


That is, as long as I have Internet access.

Honeymoon's Over

No one's perfect. Very true. This is an important thing to remember when you are contemplating getting rid of a bad maid and trading her in for "the perfect maid". I have learned over and over that if you fire one maid, the next one you get may be worse (see posts from Mexico City!).

In our case here in Brazil that would be pretty hard.

But, after bragging about my bread-making, super fast and efficient maid, I have found her flaw.

She has now worked here 8 days. Two of those days (that's 25%) she has brought her two boys. She tells me they are 11 and 13 but they look a lot more like 6 and 8.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love kids. I have 4 of them myself. But, when I am paying someone to come and work in my home I don't want to have 2 extra boys running around kicking a soccer ball inside the house and needing to be entertained. When my kids go to school, I enjoy the peace and quite of just having Pedro at home.

Does this make me a bad person?

And today, when she showed up she told me she brought them because one of them has a really bad ear infection. Awesome. I know ear infections aren't contagious, but symptoms that oftentimes accompany ear infections can pass germs.

Brazilian schools start in 10 days. I'm going to let it go until then because:

1) I don't like confrontation.
2) She is a really good maid (other than bringing her kids)
3) She's a single mom
4) I don't have any other maid options at the moment.

In the meanwhile, I'll just be up here, hiding in my bedroom with a bag of m&m's, counting the hours until everyone goes home (which is just about the time that my 3 big kids get home from school).

Agggghhhhh!

What I've Been Up To.

Well, I've been back for just about a week. What have I been doing other than sweating, you ask?

Recovering from Strep

When I was in college I would get so worked up over finals that as soon as I was done and let myself relax, I would get sick.

That trip last week? At least as stressful as finals. So, when I arrived Thursday and got in bed, I pretty much didn't get up for three days. By Saturday night, I realized it felt a lot like the strep infection I had about 5 years ago; you know-the totally raw throat, the fever, the dreams about your 31 year old brother-in-law hunting gnomes for some kind of boyscout certification (yes, you Arnold). Being in Latin America where you can buy pretty much whatever you want at the pharmacy without a prescription, I began to self-medicate myself with amoxicillin.

24 hours later-no fever, no sore throat.

Ahhhh, much better.

Entertaining my Kids

My kids are STILL out of school. Until Monday. The Wii is coming in handy when it rains. Other than that, we've been swimming a couple of times and had some play dates. The beach is TOO crowded right now for my liking and will be until after Carnaval in the end of February.

Inauguration

I don't care what your politics are, yesterday was a pretty cool day in the history of our country.


Eating Cheese

For the first time ever, I was stopped in customs and my bags were searched.

I have always felt confident coming in with kids that they would let me pass no matter how many bags I had, simply because I had the kids with me (they love children here). Well, this time, the customs agent looked at me and the kids, smiled and let us by, even after I *vaguely* motioned to my 9 bags that were coming in tow with the nice little man that was helping us through immigration (read: butting us right to the front of any line we approached). So, I left the customs area (I was chasing 4 kids after a 24 hour ordeal). When our friend didn't join us momentarily, I knew I was in trouble. After chastising me for leaving my bags (to which I pointed out my 4 kids), they let me re-enter the customs area where I saw my poor bags, lined up in a row, ready to be searched. :(

You are not allowed to bring any product related to cows into Brazil. I know this. But, I love cheddar cheese. Real, American cheddar cheese. So, I took my chances, knowing it was going to be me with the 4 kids going through customs. 15 pounds of cheddar spread out in 6 different suitcases.

As my heart raced and my palms sweat, he missed the first one. (Yay!!!!)

He quickly found the second and told me it wasn't allowed, to which I gave him the, "Really???????-but-look-how-sad-my-eyes-look" look. He gave me the "stupid-gringo-my-job-is-so-lame" look and shoved it back in my bag. He then proceeded to find my entire stash, and since I had distributed it as such, it was quite obvious that I had been aware of the rule. But, the nice man let me keep all my cheese and all my other food too!

I gave him a smile and the thumbs up and left the airport with my 15 pounds.

I like that man.

Dealing with the Staff

I think 2 maids and a driver constitute a staff, don't you?

I had a new maid start yesterday.

The pregnant maid situation has continued to steadily deteriorate- Ohhhh, I have stories I could have blogged about, but 1) I always feel guilty afterward and 2) unless you've been through the maid situation, I'm sure after a while it's like, "OK girl with a maid, we're sick of hearing about your 'problems'".

She's going to go on leave pretty soon anyway, so I am starting her replacement a little early.

This woman is a cleaner. She has been scrubbing the walls and the floors and the corners. And she's fast-sometimes you can get a good cleaner but they take like 2 hours to do one bathroom. Not this lady-she's a speed cleaner. And she cooks 4 nights a week for me.

So Vanessa now basically has to do noth-ing. But I prefer that to paying her for sitting at her house doing nothing which is what I'm sure she'd prefer. Today was their first day together. Oddly enough (hear my sarcasm here, people)-it didn't seem to really bother her that someone else was here to do her job. She was perfectly happy today to putts around watching Super-Cleaner do her thing.

Obsessive Quilting

My sister-in-law found out she's having a little boy. So, it's time to obsess over another quilt. (Don't worry, I will reach my quilting-limit soon and take another 3 year hiatus-that's just what I do)

Here are the squares that Margarita and I got done tonight (Guapo's out of town so we could work all night without guilt):




Aren't they sooooo cute??? (Yes, they will have eyes eventually. They will not be blind animals)

And, that's about it.

Mystery Solved (sort-of)

Well, within 5 minutes of her being here this morning, my maid found the missing fabric.

The funny thing is is that she found it in a place I know I looked at least twice and Guapo looked once (behind the sofa in the living room).

???

I'm not even going to try to figure it out. I don't even care at this point. I'm sure you don't either.

And, I ended up using the new fabric anyway.

End of the uninteresting story.

Cold Case

The fabric that I was going to use to bind the quilt for my sister's baby is officially GONE. I had bought a yard of two different fabrics because I wasn't sure which I liked better.

How do 2 yards of fabric disappear?

After searching every inch of this house (wasting hours of my time) I am assuming now that foul play was involved. I looked under every cushion, behind and under every piece of furniture, in every drawer, in every closet, in every rubbermaid container (and believe me, I have quite a few), EVERYWHERE.

This is another disadvantage of having a maid-when something goes missing, you can't help but wonder if they had something to do with it. My kids swear they didn't see it, touch it, move it and I think after watching me pull my hair out for two days straight they would have fessed up. If the guilt didn't move them, then the $5.00 cash reward would have (yes, sometimes I pay my kids to find things for me. It saves me a lot of time and is pretty cheap at this point in their lives). Guapo was out of town. So, the only other person that has been in the house was our maid.

I don't like to think that way, but I just can't imagine what could have happened to it. Maybe Pedro destroyed it with a marker while I was gone and she took care of the evidence? Or she "accidentally" threw it away? I don't know, but it's NOT here. I'll probably find it when we are moving out of here and then I'll feel bad for thinking it was her, but at this point I can't think of any other logical explanation (and to assuage my guilt, I will of course post about it).

When I asked her about it-after she did a quick token run through the house, she told me, "Well, maybe you took it somewhere and left it there."

Innocent suggestion? Maybe, but my suspicious mind felt like she was admitting it wasn't anywhere in the house. It's not like I'm in the habit of taking my fabric to the grocery store or to the school with me. But then I started to feel guilty about being suspicious and I actually walked to the quilt store and asked if I had left some fabric there (which I had gone to last week, albeit without the fabric). The lady looked at me like I was slightly crazy.

On the bright side, I went to a quilt store here in our neighborhood and found a very cute fabric to replace the missing fabric.

The quilt will be finished!

Why I Pay Someone to Annoy Me: A Maid Update

(I am hesitant to write about my maid; after my last rant, I felt kind of bad. But, it is a huge part of my life here and I want to be able to come back to my blog and remember what it was really like, so I think it's necessary. But, let me start out by saying that overall things have gone ok since our last big talk. Not great but ok. Luckily she is super sweet with Pedro, and the other kids don't mind hanging out with her on Friday nights, so at least there's that. And being a maid wouldn't be the greatest, especially if you were pregnant so I do appreciate that she still shows up and works.)

A Brief Review

Our maid got pregnant in July. According to Brazilian law, we cannot fire her throughout her pregnancy, her 5 month paid maternity leave, or for the first month she comes back after her leave. If we do want to fire her, legally we have to pay her out for all of this time which would not be cheap. What most Brazilians do in this situation (and what we were advised to do since this situation rarely works out well; the lawyers that work for Guapo's company were seriously laughing when he told them that our maid was pregnant.) is as soon as the pregnancy is made known, to give the maid a wad of cash and have her sign her rights away. When I say "wad of cash" I am talking about somewhere in the neighborhood of $3,000-4,000 USD. So, that's not really an option I'm willing to take at this point.

So, instead I try not to let her drive me crazy. But, I do spend a lot of my time wondering if she:

A) is trying to drive me nuts so that I finally break down and offer her the pay out, or,

B) just doesn't give a rip about doing a good job anymore and knows there's not a lot I can do about it.

And now, on to the grievances

Slightly Annoying

Has she been reading Amelia Bedilia? A few days ago I told her she could go home early because she wasn't feeling well. I just asked that she fold the last load of clothes that was drying in the dryer before she left. So, when I went down to grab something later out of the laundry basket, I was happy to see that the clothes were indeed folded, but that they were still very, very damp. Grrrrrr.

She is determined to plump me up. Remember my post about Brazilian carb loading? We had talked several times before that post about how we, as Americans, do not eat rice, pasta and potatoes all in the same meal, that we normally only eat one starch per meal. She traveled with, and ate with us every day for a month in the States and yet she continued to give us rice and potatoes (or pasta) together. So, I cut her back to two days of cooking because we were wasting a lot of food, and I made her this chart:

(and yes, in case you are wondering if that was the problem, she does speak English)

And I am still getting meals like this for dinner:

Why???

She tells me crazy things: Around the anniversary of September 11th she came to me all excited, waving a Brazilian newspaper, "Look at this! This article says that George Bush planned the whole thing!!!" And I was like, "yeah, there's a conspiracy theory for everything, blah, blah, blah" and she was like, "No, this is for real. G-e-o-r-g-e -W-B-u-s-h has 11 letters in it. Get it? 11 letters? September 11th??? " and then she showed me a photo of a 20 dollar bill folded so that the letters spelled "Osama". And she's totally serious...

I mean, I know the guy's not that popular, but seriously? 11 letters?!?

She uses my precious resources: One day, she was making a rice salad (to go along with our mashed potatoes) and the recipe called for a can of tuna fish. Instead of walking to the store (a 5 minute walk) and purchasing tuna, she instead used not one but TWO cans of my canned clams that I bring back with me from the States to make my kids' favorite meal. Canned clams are the only canned product I bring because of the weight limitations.

The remaining clams are now hidden where she will never, ever find them.

Annoying

Cleaning. My maid was never the best cleaner in the world. But things have gone from fair to poor in the last few months. I even had to hold a special lecture one day entitled, "Every Potty. Every Day." It seems she decided that she would do a "good" cleaning on Fridays. When I asked her how she arrived at Friday, instead of say, a day in the beginning of the week so the house would look nice all week, she told me it was because she had all day Friday (she stays over Friday night so Guapo and I can go out to dinner), whereas the other days she leaves "early". She works Tuesday-Thursday from 7 am until 4 pm.

I guess I can see her point- 9 hours is really not enough time to clean a house. ???

So, now, I hate to be gross here, but I have to make my point.

Here is a photo of one of our toilets (they are all basically the same); please take special note of the water line:

Very, very low and definitely NOT directly below where a child would comfortably sit. Now, I won't show you a video of the flushing action, but imagine, if you will, a flush whose force isn't all that strong.

You know my kids aren't the best flushers in the world. So, do you see where I'm going with this???

The toilets are often "dirty" and I was finding myself cleaning them at nights because I was so grossed out. And then I realized that I pay her decent money to take care of things like this for me. And she was leaving them until FRIDAY to clean them once. So, I actually had to sit there and say, "Now, you need to go into each bathroom each day and if the toilet looks dirty, you must clean it". To which she replied "Everyday???" to which I replied, "Every.day." Geesh. It takes all of 60 seconds.

(and, BTW? I had to clean that toilet before I took that picture. So my lecture didn't even work. Maybe I need more visuals next time)

Very Annoying

The System. During our last talk with her we encouraged her to plan her dr.'s visits on her day off, Monday, and when she couldn't we would just deduct the time off from her vacation days (all Brazilians, including maids, get 30 PAID days of vacation a year). So, all was well. For a while.

Then one day she comes and says she shouldn't have to use her day off, and that we have to give her the time off AND pay her for it. This is very, very annoying to me because we, as her employers are only required by law to give her Sundays off and we give her 1/2 day Saturday, all day Sunday AND all day Monday. And it would be easier to deal with if we were talking about once a month for a couple of hours. But she "has" to go twice a month and it takes ALL DAY-she does not come to work the days that she has an appointment. But, sure enough, Brazilian law says it's so and therefore she can basically do what she wants.

And there is not a thing I can do about it. That is the worst part of this situation. If I get mad and make an issue out of every little thing, I have a belligerent person in my house. Not fun. When things would get tough in the past with a maid it was comforting to think, "Well, at least I can fire her if it gets bad enough" but not this time. We are stuck paying her until next September.

On the positive side, the situation is giving me some serious practice at trying to choose not to be annoyed and angry about things. I wish I could say that after 3 months I've mastered it, but I haven't. I spend a lot of time grouchy about maid issues. Just ask Guapo. Or my mom. Or Ballerina Girl.

Maybe after another TEN months of it and I'll be an expert!!! (Or I'll be in the looney bin for holding it all in and finally exploding... or in jail...)

(is that way more than you wanted to know???)

...To Be Fair

So we sat down with the maid today and had a little chat. Guapo participated which always helps a lot as he is a whole lot scarier to her than I am. It went well, better than I thought it would. I tend to avoid confrontation like the plague, so it was good to get some stuff, nicely, off my chest.

She seems like she understood what we were saying and like she wasn't trying to take advantage. According to her, her first three pregnancies were symptomless (something I personally can't relate to) and she wasn't working at the time, so this time has been harder for her.

The bottom line is that I have to hope for the best and make it work because the alternative is super expensive. And, I rather err on the side of being too nice than being a jerk.

So, basically I am writing this because I feel bad for my post yesterday. I made her sound like an awful person and she's really sweet in a lot of ways-most important being that she's great with my kids. I feel a lot better now and feel hopeful that she will not take us to the cleaners.

Time will tell. (May I not be a sucker twice!)

And I learned it is better to talk about than assume things and let them fester and ruin your week. I'm a really good festerer.

(Note to self: fester less, talk more!) Tchua!

Maid Tenure

I have been avoiding my blog. I have been in the worst mood ever and I just didn't want to involve all 5 of you that read my blog.

But, just as I must remember how hard a toddler is, at some point in the future, when I am living in the States sans domestic help, I need to remember what a pain in the rear it was sometimes to have the so-called "help".

So, I will share with you what has been driving me NUTS the last week (just ask poor Ballerina Girl, I'm sure she's sick of hearing about my maid troubles). And if you are sick of my maid tales, just come back next week and I'll have moved on (or so I hope).

About 6 or 7 months ago I found a note my maid had written and left out in a place that I would find it. It had the names of her 3 children and then a girl's name and a boy's name, options, if you will, for an unborn 4th child. I freaked out for a moment and then asked her if she was pregnant and she told me, "Nooooooo!" like I was crazy or something. She told me "someday" she wanted another child, but not in the near future.

We should have fired her that day.

Fast forward to our trip to the States and her bulging stomach that I attributed to all of the fast food burgers that always had to include bacon. Then we arrive back in Brazil and lo and behold-she's pregnant.

So, what's the big deal?

The big deal is that Brazil has got some pretty serious laws about pregnant maids. Like you can't fire them. Well, that's a nice law isn't it? I mean, how rude would it be to fire your pregnant maid? Well, if your maid wants to show up 4 hours late every day and sit around and eat bonbons and watch a novela instead of working you can't really do anything about it. Or if she doesn't show up at all- you can't fire her. And she knows it.

Then, they get a 4 month paid maternity leave, 5 months if they are nursing, during which time you of course, can't fire them, even if you've hired someone else that you like better. You can't fire them, in fact, until 2 months after their maternity leave.

I'm not being completely honest. You can fire a pregnant maid. But, if you do, you must pay them their salary for the remainder of their pregnancy and their 4-or-5 month maternity leave (I'm guessing most decide to nurse, what do you think?). And with the dollar where it's at, and the Real where it's at we are not talking about pocket change here.

If you don't completely comply with this law you will most likely be sued by your maid who will most likely win.

So back to my maid. As far as she knows, we are leaving the end of July 2009. Is it just a huge coincidence that her due date is 4 1/2 months before then? I hope it is, but I am really starting to wonder. Basically she will be able to goof around the next 7 months, then take off 5 months months, and then collect unemployment for the following 6 months if we do happen to leave the country. Doesn't sound so bad, does it?

In the past 3 weeks since my normally responsible maid told me she's pregnant she's showed up late 4 times, taken 4 days off for "appointments", three days for doctor recommended "rest", and when she has been here she mopes around like I am the wicked witch of the west for making her work at all.

Monday she came to work totally downtrodden and sick. She had a headache and was nauseated and *gasp* she almost threw up the day before! After watching her production for about an hour I told her she could go home. She decided that with symptoms like hers, she needed to go to the hospital. The doctor gave her a note that said she needs 3 days of rest.

And.Nothing.Trumps.The.Doctor.Note.

So basically anytime she wants a few days off, she just has to head to her doctor and complain a little and she'll get a note. And I have to pay her even though she is not here. And there's nothing I can do about it.

When she called to tell me about her note (at 9:00 that night, leaving me no time to make arrangements for the next day), I said, "so then you'll be here on Saturday, right?"

Pause..., "Well, I guess...if you really need me to come." like I am totally putting her out.

AGGGGGGGGGGHHHH.

When I'm back in the States complaining about housework, please remind me of this.

Case in Point

Last night's dinner:

Chicken legs, spaghetti, and some kind of weird potato salad with green olives in it.

I feel bloated and fat just looking at the picture.

That is all. May your dinner have fewer carbs than mine.

Why It's Great to Have a Maid Who Cooks Dinner (Other Than the Obvious Benefit of Not Having to Do It Yourself)

Our maid cooks dinner for us 3-4 times a week. I personally love it-meal planning is not my favorite part about being a mom. I don't mind the actual cooking so much, it's just the "what are we going to have tonight?" that gets me down.

So, I really only have to plan 3 meals a week which is pretty much a cinch.

We do have several issues however with her cooking. They are as follows:

1) Carbohydrate Overload. Let me preface this by stating that I am not exaggerating. There have been nights when she has prepared all of the following:

• Rice and Beans (Brazilian staple)
• Pasta
• Mashed potatoes OR French fries

That's just how Brazilians eat here. A totally normal, acceptable, meal is lasagna and mashed potatoes. Strange, don't ya think?

I am not a very assertive person when it comes to maids. I rather clean my own toilets than have to tell someone she's doing a bad job at cleaning my toilets (sadly, this is not just an hypothetical). However, in this one area, I did bring it up because as Americans we just don't eat rice, spaghetti and french fries in the same sitting (at least we don't). I tried my hardest to explain, without making her feel bad of course, that although we just LOVE her food, we eat rice OR pasta OR potatoes, but never more than one at a time.

I have now mentioned it several times and it doesn't seem to be getting through. When she returned Monday after our vacation we had: rice and beans, and spaghetti.

Tuesday night I guess she made up for it by going totally Atkins on us. We had: ribs, salad, broccoli, green beans, and carrots (not the vegetable medley you may be picturing; they were all prepared, cooked, and served separately). No rice, beans, OR pasta that night. ???

2) Desserts. She makes desserts that are too yummy for their own good. Brazilian flan is even better than Mexican flan (Sorry BOFF). No further explanation necessary.

3) Garlic. This isn't really an "issue" so much as an FYI.

When you think of garlic where do you think of? Italy, right? You might want to add Brazil to the list. They use so much garlic here you wouldn't believe it. We go through at least 4 heads of garlic A WEEK (again, I am NOT exaggerating). When we arrived from Mexico last year I was going to write a post entitled, "Garlic: the New Chile". I never got around to it.

I love garlic, so I'm in heaven smelling it cooking in my kitchen especially when I don't have to peel it.

4) My Kids.

They LOATHE it when she cooks.

The moaning and groaning starts the second they sit down and doesn't end until they take their plates to the sink. "What! This again? Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah".

And herein lies the reason why it's great to have a maid cook: my kids now LOVE.MY.COOKING.

You'd think we were eating at their favorite restaurant what with the rave reviews I get. Juan Carlos actually looked at me tonight during dinner and said, "Thank you so much for making this mom, I love it." And Margarita said, "I could eat this every night!!!"

It is perfect conditioning for when we move back to the States and I become the sole provider of meals.

Bwahahaha!

Too Much to Blog, to Little Time to Blog it

Well, we are a week and a half into our summer vacation. I have tons to blog about but not a lot of free time- we are busy all day long having fun and eating all the foods we have missed the last year.

So, here's a little recap.

Ode to Colorado

Every time I step foot in Colorado I wonder why we live anywhere else. I love everything about the state of my youth: the seasons, the mountains, the sunsets, how it smells, the parks, our house, everything. I'm glad we get an entire month here this summer.

And of course, it's always wonderful to go home to my parents and feel like a kid again. Here's my dad with Juan Carlos at the park:


My parents borrowed a trampoline from their neighbors and the kids have been jumping hours each day which has made bedtime a lot easier.



Why my mom is a bad woman

She made me do this (don't worry Guapo, they were really, really cheap. I promise):



and I think she may be expecting (or she was going to play basketball with Julio):


Vanessa

She is thoroughly enjoying the States. Especially the shopping. Of the $1,200 we are paying her for the 4 weeks she's here, she only has $50.00 left (she did leave half of it at home with her family before we even left, but still). It could be a long 2 1/2 weeks for her!

My parents have lots of squirrels around their house-every time she sees one she screams so loud that it freaks me out and jumps up to find her camera she must have 300 pictures of squirrels doing various squirrel activities.

The squirrels are only trumped by the raccoons-they come up on my parents deck every night to steal the squirrel's peanuts. A few nights ago she stayed up until 2:00 am waiting for the masked beasts.

I guess the excitement over the wildlife shouldn't surprise me, I go crazy over the monkeys in Brazil and the Brazilians don't seem all that impressed by them. But squirrels?

Sunday she went to a Rockies game with my dad; they sat 5 rows behind home plate. She forgot her camera. 300 pictures of squirrels and none of America's Favorite Pastime. My dad was buying people drinks to take pictures of her and then email them. As far as I know, no pictures have been received yet.

Oh, I almost forgot the funniest thing. H1gh School Musical 2. Everyday. Sometimes twice a day. She has got a serious crush on Troy. I bought her this Troy jewelry set as a joke and she's been wearing it ever since. I have to admit, it is helping her English a lot-she is doing great communicating. I kind of feel bad for her husband though...

Pedro

I have been so excited to bring Pedro to the States so he could try all of the cool new baby/toddler foods available.

The kid won't eat anything that he didn't eat in Brazil. He refuses. Shakes his little head and purses his lips together. I am so disappointed.

Same goes for people. He hasn't warmed up to anyone and wants me to hold him all.day.long.

Here he is earning his keep:



Luxury Vacation

I was so worried about not enjoying the trip having an extra person always around, and now I am worried I have ruined all future vacations. I kind of feel like a movie star with my entourage-if I am carrying Pedro, Vanessa takes my bag or vice versa. I can take time with each kid and when Pedro is sleeping, I can leave and do something fun with the big kids. She helps pick up after everyone which is so helpful. I can go out for a run and not feel like I am impositioning anyone.

This is the way to travel!!!

Home Sweet Home

I love coming back to the States. It's always SO nice here. Clean, cheap, fun.

We've covered a lot of ground in three days in Houston. Highlights include:

1. poptarts


2. frosted mini-wheats


3. Life


4. egg mcmuffins


5. the Houston aquarium


6. chucky cheese


7. real milk


8. real ice cream


9. target


10. walmart


11. old navy


12. swimming 3 or 4 times


13. spending too much money

I love needing something and just being able to go to the store to get it. No, hmmmmm, do I have a friend who's going to the States anytime soon? When is Guapo going? I guess I'll just add it to my list and get it 3 months from now. Nope, I just get in my car, drive to the store, and I know they'll have it. (and 14 other products I don't know how I live without).

(picture me doing cartwheels)

My maid is doing fine, and I am doing fine with her here. Once I made it past security in the Brazilian airport I was wondering how I ever thought I was going to do it without another adult. Pedro alone requires about 1.5 adults. He only slept 5 of the 12 hours on the flight, despite the fact that I doped him with dramamine (I'm sorry if you think that's child abuse. I don't have a problem with it.). It wasn't exactly fun, but it's over now and I don't have to do it again for 6 1/2 weeks.

So far (it's only been 3 days and we've still got 3 1/2 weeks to go) it's nice to have her here too-it's like bringing the best of the 3rd world home to the 1st world. Everyone has a maid in Brazil, so I don't think I appreciate it as much there, but now that she's here, in a place where I don't normally have help, I am enjoying the benefits. It's like I have two of me and I get to choose the things I prefer to do and give her the other jobs. I have taken a couple of naps, and even gone shopping once by myself.

She is just a tad shutter happy. She has pictures of EVERY.THING. The plane, the wing of the plane, the bags being loaded onto the plane, the airplane food, the parking lot of the Houston airport, various shots on the shuttle bus to the rental car office, the rental car, etc., etc..

She told me today she is saving her McDonalds receipt so she can show her kids. Target was, as you can imagine, overwhelming. She had her cart filled in no time and I had to explain the new airline baggage rules to her and that we have Target in Colorado that has the exact same things.

The kids are like, "Vanessa, look, a tree!" "..a bird!", "...look at this elevator, have you ever seen an elevator like this?" which is pretty cute.

Tomorrow we head for Colorado!

The List

First off, let me apologize for being a bad blog friend. Something is wacky with Bloglines, it has stopped tracking several of my favorite blogs. If you haven't seen me around your blog for a while, that's why.

Ok. On to "The List". Julio (7 years old) has been making very long, very detailed lists that include super cute drawings, about what he wants to do during our trip the States. Unfortunately, his medium of choice always seems to be pencil, so I'm not going scan it, but I am going to type the list out, just as he has it (read: I don't have to spell check because you'll never know if it was a typo, or that's how he spelled it).

We will be making three stops on our trip: Texas, Colorado, and Utah. His list is therefore divided into three parts:

Texas

• play with Mariana and Daved (my friends' grandkids)
• Play with Lady (my friends' dog)
• go swimming
• sleepovers
• shop
• backyard
• hide and seek
• go shoping with Nathan (Nathan in my friends' 17 year old son, I'm sure he'll be thrilled)
• make a worolpool (he means whirlpool; the kids get into the jacuzzi and run around the edge in a circle and get going really fast)

Coloradow (not a typo folks)

• alpine slide
• bickes (bikes)
• hicking (hiking)
• Hot-tub
• Sand-box
• Say hello to Daian (Diane is my mom's neighbor)
• eat lunch at Chuky cheese
• eat sireeal for breckfast (cereal)
• play outside
• go to the park
• play bachy (bocci-you know, lawn bowling)
• go to the rexseter (rec center)
• shoping for toys

Utah

• play with the cosons (cousins)
• coson camp (cousin camp-hosted by my very brave MIL each summer)
• swim in stream
• catch snakes (not while I'm there I hope!)
• cousin sleep together
• cool toy store
• water park
• tag in yard
• fireworks
• build a bear work shop
• water fountins (fountains-the ones at Gateway)
• Temple square

So, there's our list for the summer! I would make a few additions, like eating some decent ice cream, drinking LOTS of milk, and drinking directly from the faucet after I brush my teeth.

T minus 26 hours and I'm not all the way packed. Agggggggh!!!

Maid update: Vanessa is seriously scared to get on the plane. It didn't help her last week to watch the news coverage about that plane in Sudan that caught on fire after it had crash landed.

She called today to ask me if the seats on a plane are very close together, because she doesn't want to be alone. She'll soon see how annoyingly close they are!

I am feeling relieved that she will be there to help me on the flight, but also like I will be traveling with 5 kids instead of 4!

Signing out until Houston.

Anticipation

We leave on Sunday night for our big summer trip. My kids have been counting down the days for, ohhhhhh, just the last 3 months now. They have not traveled back to the States since we arrived last July. They love everything about going home, the airplane, the food, the relatives, the shopping, even going to the doctor and dentist there. We jam everything fun that we would normally spread over the course of a year into a few short weeks. I'm afraid when we eventually move back they will be highly disappointed to see that our "normal life" is not the same as our "vacation life".

Julio (7 years old) is probably the most excited about our maid going. He wants to be the one to show her everything. His first job is to teach her all about flying as she's never before flown. A couple of months ago when we started talking about the possibility of taking her with us he drew this picture for her:




I'm not sure how well you can read it, but it is a list of "airplane activities". She taped it to her door and I crack up everytime I walk by it. It includes:

• Food


• Nice sleep


• Movies


• Games


• Music

(and my personal favorite)

• Calm

Oh how I hope my kids have "nice sleep" and "calm" on the 12 hour flight on Sunday!

Laura Ingells Comes for a Visit

Ok, you have to be honest here. I am going to tell you something about my childhood and you have to tell me if you ever had the same thought. When I told Guapo about this a while back, he looked at me like I had two heads.

I loved watching Little House on the Prar1e when I was in elementary school (ok, and Jr. High too). Everyday, I would come home from school, fix myself a single-serving bowl of rice-krispy treats, and make myself cozy on my parent's bed to tune into the adventures of Laura.


Here's the "weird" part (or at least the part Guapo thinks is weird): I used to daydream about having Laura come to the future (my present) and stay with me. I was going to be the one to personally introduce her to all the cool stuff the 20th century had to offer. Cars, my comparatively huge house, my room I didn't have to share with anyone, refridgerators, chocolate chip cookies, my hamster, my toys. Everything! It only seemed fair, I tuned in to her life everyday, why shouldn't I share my life with her?

So, am I weird?

And now you are asking , "Why, exactly, are you bringing this up?"

Vanessa, our maid, had an interview to get a Visa to come to the States with us today and she "passed".

I will be traveling with my "maid" for 4 weeks this summer. And, introducing someone to the USA who would probably otherwise never have the opportunity in her life to go there makes me feel like I'm going to be showing Laura around my life. Can you imagine going to Target if you'd never seen anything like it? Her head is going to be spinning.

I have mixed feelings about taking her. Will she get homesick? Will I go crazy? I like my privacy. I love to be alone. I realize that I will be the freak mom with a "nanny" to whom I am speaking Portuguese (as far as they know!).

However, traveling with 4 kids internationally by myself sounds a lot like torture. I will be in the States for a total of 7 weeks, but Guapo can't come until after the 3rd week. So, she will travel with me for the dreaded 12 hour flight, help out those first few weeks when Guapo's not there, and then stay for a week after he gets there so we can do all the fun stuff we always want to do but never can because one of our kids is always too young.

Every summer since we started this lifestyle, I have contemplated taking a maid with us, but I have never done it because mostly my maids have annoyed the crap out of me. But, Vanessa is fairly non-annoying, so it might work.

I'm praying that it works and I'm not kicking myself a week into it.

You can be sure I'll be blogging all about it...

Lest You Think Having a Maid is All Fun and Games

This is a Muchacha Moment vent.

Yes, that's Pedro with a little cast on his little baby arm. My first child to have a cast.

Where to begin?

In the beginning of March my maid was hit by a car and broke her leg. The first doctor she saw told her it wasn't broken and therefore didn't treat it properly. She took the allowed two weeks off and we paid her. She returned to work mid-March and was obviously not better. So, she went to a private doctor (we paid) and he told her it was, in fact, broken and that she needed another 35 days to recover. The first two weeks of an authorized sick-leave the employer pays the salary, after that the Brazilian government pays (we are required by law to pay a tax every month on her behalf so that she can use this benefit if needs be). So, we stopped paying and supposedly the Brazilian equivalent of Uncle Sam (Tio Samuel?) picked up the slack.

We had Vanessa send her mom, Jane, to help me out on the days I needed it and were paying her each day. Her mom is a nice lady who normally takes care of my maid's three kids when she is here working. She actually cleans a lot better than my maid so I was ok with the arrangement.
Tuesday I left her with Pedro so I could go help in the Margarita's, Julio's and Juan Pedro's classes at school and go to their parent-teacher conferences (assuaging my guilt here: I was NOT getting a pedicure or out to lunch with friends!). When I got home Pedro was very fussy, so I grabbed him up and took him to my room to nurse him. He just kept looking at me with this so-sad look and grabbing his arm. I tried to move it and he yelped. So I go back downstairs and ask Jane what the heck happened to his arm.

She was shocked.

In very rapid Portuguese she said something like, "What? Nothing! He's been perfectly fine all day! Happy! Maybe he slept on it funny!"

Hmmmmmmm. Maybe.

I'm not the kind of mom who freaks out easily. So I gave it some time. He wouldn't use his arm and when he would walk and fall on it he would cry. I decided to wait until the morning to call the doctor. We put him to bed for the night; I was still fuming that something had happened and Jane wasn't talking. Then Guapo says, casually, "Maybe she's not lying. Maybe he has like bone cancer or something."

Thank you Guapo. So helpful. I spent the whole night mulling that pleasent thought over in my head. So by the next morning, when he still wasn't using his arm, I started freaking out. Unfortunately, I had fix brunch for 15 people because April is my turn to host the bookclub meetings here at my house and it just happened to be that day. Luckily I had Guapo's mom here to help me get everything done and take care of Pedro. I'm sure I was a great hostess since I was emanating something like, "did you eat? did you pick your books? Good-now GET OUT!!!"

Finally we got to the hospital and got the x-ray done.

It showed nothing. No tumors, no breaks, no nothing.

What the doctor thinks happened was that the maid pulled on his arm and it dislocated his elbow but that it went back in by itself, or why we were moving it around (it's called "nursemaid's elbow" and I guess it's fairly common in kids under 4 yrs of age). They casted it just so he wouldn't irritated it or fall on it the next few days.

I took him home and Jane was still at the house. When she saw him she was all surprised again and like, "oh, poor baby, what happened?" And I was like, "YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED LADY!!!" (ok, so it probably wasn't that forceful since I'm not good at confrontation, but it was more forceful than my normal mild-mannered self). After some back and forth she said, "Well, maybe I was walking him and holding on to one of his hands and maybe he twisted and fell. But (still maintaining that she was never aware of any problem), he never cried."

No "sorry I broke your kid and made you spend $250 going to the hospital" Grrrrrr.

So, the lady can't be left with the baby. Not because something happened while she was with him, I understand that things happen with little kids, but because I don't trust her to tell me the truth. :(

Then she shows up to day (just to clean) and hands me a catalog of bedding products (I'm talking complete crap here-200 thread count twin bed sets that cost, I'm not kidding, $400 USD) and says that Vanessa never signed up for her benefits so she has no money and would I mind buying some bedding and showing the book to all my friends so they too will buy stuff?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Dreaming of a maid free life...

March Wrap Up

It's the end of March? I can't believe it.

This months been a little tough in the goal department because of my maid's accident. I haven't had as much time to pursue my goals since I've been busy cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and fun stuff like that. I am actually much happier being at home by myself, but the cleaning does get a little old after a while.

Vanessa took two weeks off, got her cast off (really just some ace bandages) and came back for two days. She obviously wasn't better because she couldn't walk so I told her to go back to the doctor. There's a serious problem here with dengue right now, so the hospitals are full of sick people making things like hurt legs not so important in the public hospitals. So, I paid for her to go to a private doctor (only $15.00) and they told her foot was, in fact, broken (the first doctor at the public hospital told her it was just bruised). So, now she has one of those boot things on and won't be working for the next 35 days. At least. So, I'm playing musical muchachas with her mom and cousin a couple of days a week.

Anyway, on to my goals:

1) Exercise: I think I was 19 for 25 days again. I made improvements over February because I started adding some long runs in prep for my 1/2 marathon in June. I think I upped my mileage a little too fast because 2 days after my 70 minute run last week, while I was out on a jog, my ankle started hurting and swelled up. I had to take a cab home from my run. :( It's feeling better now, but I'm going to give it a few more days to heal.

2)Pick up after myself: My clothes are picked up for the most part, and now Pedro's highchair tray is usually clean. So, I am going to add keeping clutter out of my bedroom this month. I hate piles of "stuff", especially in my bedroom.

3) Laundry: going fine, I'm getting it done earlier in the day and that makes my nights more relaxing. I don't think I'll report on this goal again. GOAL ACCOMPLISHED.

4) Hug my Kids: Sadly, I've found that doing all of the housework makes me grouchier towards my kids, especially when they add to my workload (which is like every.single.second they are awake). I better learn how to be nice to my kids even though I have to clean; we're not going to live this life forever!

5) Learn Excel: Huh??? No time in March for this goal. Sorry Excel, I still think you're cool, but you're not too useful at cleaning potties.

6) Portuguese: Slowly improving. Guapo and I had to give talks in church a couple of weeks ago in Portuguese, that's always an adventure. And I feel like my English and Spanish are getting worse and worse, so that's a good sign, I guess...

7) Primary songs: Just one: "We'll Bring the World His Truth" which our primary president prefers to "Called to Serve" for the primary program.

Not such a productive month, but what with Pedro's and Margarita's birthdays, no maid, Easter, and our little trip, all and all I'm satisfied.

thanks for humoring me, I know these posts about my goals are boring...

Happily Ever After

So we survived our maid's wedding. Unfortunately for the ole' blog, it was pretty uneventful. It was a very nice ceremony with a fun reception afterward. Juan Carlos said our maid looked like a princess.



I took a shower and dug some make-up out of my drawer in the bathroom to prove to my maid that I could be presentable.



We didn't end up having to sit with her parents OR say a toast (thanks, anyway, for the offer Fabiola!). Sure, we got stared at and pointed at, but that's normal stuff for us because 1) we are obviously foreigners and 2) because we have four kids.

Vanessa got to see Pedro at her wedding.

I had such high hopes for a wealth of bloggable events but, alas, there was only one little thing.

That would be the driver we hired because our driver is on vacation.

You hire a driver to

1) drive you safely hither and thither, and,
2) to watch the car, especially when you are in not-so-safe areas like we were last night.

He pretty much failed at both. He is out of work right now (I am no longer wondering why), and it was quite apparent that in his past job he drove a manual transmission.

We have an automatic.

Every time the dude went to stop, his right hand would grope around for a stick-shift and his left foot would search for the clutch. His left foot always ended up (quite forcefully, I might add) on the brake. This would about send us all through the windshield. The kids would scream and I would poke Guapo in the back, trying not to laugh.

I understand it happening once, but he never.got.it.

He backed into a car parking in front of the church.

Then, instead of waiting for us whilst protecting our car, he joined us in the wedding. Guapo decided not to say anything because it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if my car got stolen (it's a piece of crap). After the wedding he drove us to the reception and joined us, uninvited, for the entire time, at our table. Please don't think I'm a snob- I love my real driver; we hang out a lot together. But keep in mind that we had never before met this guy and besides that, it's just totally against driver protocol.

Here we are at our table:


On the way home we were again subjected to a myriad of bad driving techniques: more whiplash inducing stops, driving with the emergency brake on, driving without the headlights on (for the first half hour), signalling to go around curves and then leaving the blinker on for the next 15 minutes. I made Gaupo promise he would stay awake so I could take doze off in between the neck-whipping stops.

Oh well. He was a nice enough guy, and we made it home in one piece, he just probably shouldn't be a driver.

Cheers!

"We're Going to Look Like Zoo Animals"

My maid gets married on Saturday.

We were invited a long time ago and I told her we would go. She lives about an hour from where we live so we were going to have the driver take us. But, Brazil has no fewer than 3 national holidays in November; one was in early November, one was yesterday (Thursday) and one is Tuesday. So, somehow the Thursday and Tuesday holidays conveniently turn in to a Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday-Tuesday six day holiday. So the driver is going to be traveling this weekend.

Driving in Big City Brazil isn't that safe. If you get lost it could really be a big problem (read: BIG PROBLEM). So, our driver gave us a name of another guy that we could hire to fill in for the day.

Gaupo wasn't We weren't too excited about going to the wedding when it was "free" but now that we are paying someone to take us he is we are even less excited. We will surely be the only foreigners for miles around. But, we have to go; she is so sweet and she's been talking about dancing with Pedro at her wedding for months.

Last night, as she was headed out the door, she told me:

1. We will be sitting at the reserved table with her parents;
2. Would we mind saying a few words ?(In Portuguese. And into a microphone), and
3. Could I possibly wear make-up?

It was when I related this new info to Guapo that he aptly assessed the situation: "We're going to look like zoo animals." My plan to "just show up for a little while so she knows we were there" is turning into us sitting at one of the most visible tables and giving toasts. In Portuguese. Ahhhhhhhhhh!

It will be an experience, right? Hopefully a bloggable one, so all is not in vain.

Muchacha Monment-We've Finally Got A Winner!

After going through 6 maids in 10 months (the 6th one would have been fired had we stayed any longer), I am happy to report we have found a great maid here in Brazil.

Maids here are not called muchacas here but "impregadas domesticas" (sounds bad doesn't it?). Having one costs way more than it did in Mexico or Venezuela because you have to pay 12% of their salary towards their retirement program (like Social Security), but it is still WAY cheaper than having help in the US. Our new maid was recommended by a friend of a friend. The last family she worked for had 5 kids, so 4 should be a piece of cake for her right? Hopefully Julio and Juan Carlos won't join evil powers and lock her in the closet like they did to poor maid #4 in Mexico.

She shows up on time.

She speaks some English (so Maragrita doesn't throw a fit when she gets left with her)

She has 3 kids of her own so she knows how to take care of Pedro.

She cooks.

She cleans.

She goes home at night so I can have peace.

Except for Friday night when she stays over so Guapo and I can go out without the kiddies.

But, the very best part about our new maid is (drum roll please):

SHE DOES ALL THE GROCERY SHOPPING!!!

Can you imagine? She makes a list, plans out meals, goes to the store loaded with money, shops away, then comes home and puts everything away.

I think I am really going to love Brazil!